I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
