do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
