He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
