I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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