Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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