she was so not down for the gang bang
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
