when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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