I'm going to jail i love you
I could make wine with my vomit
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
