Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
