my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
