So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
