Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
