Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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