if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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