you traded sex for a burrito?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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