well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
