She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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