"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
