im about as happy as oj after his trial
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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