It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
