I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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