I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
