She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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