I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
