What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
