I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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