we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
