There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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