these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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