I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
