The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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