He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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