why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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