Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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