There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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