After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
