Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
