Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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