capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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