apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
