And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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