Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
