I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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