You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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