I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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