You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
