And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
