When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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