We won't sleep together?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize