1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
