i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
