Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
