This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
