after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
