By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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