I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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