I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my liver is dry heaving
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
