Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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