you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
