xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
