do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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