I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
