I want to make a zoo with you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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