So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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