well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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