She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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