Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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