it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
